We’ll Be Okay
by multixwriter
Summary: A little angsty one shot of our favorite on screen couple Jim and Pam :)


Pam seemed lost, in a sense, without Jim by her side. Putting the children to bed by herself, cleaning the house by herself, going to bed by herself. Everything she seemed to be doing these days were by herself. A phone call here and there told her Jim was still alive, and the quick, "sorry honey, Lebron James is on the other line," when she was trying to tell him about her day made the rest of her night awful. She felt almost as though she was married to the shell of the man she fell in love with years prior. Almost as though they weren't even married at all.

She worked in silence, ignored the new young customer service employee, Clark, when he would hit on her in Jim's seat. She felt almost numb, as she felt her days beginning to become longer, the same daily routine tiring her out.

She hadn't remembered the last time she and Jim had slept in the same bed, and would get bleary eyed when CeCe would ask her when her daddy was going to come home. She would always respond with, "daddy's at work. He'll be home soon, baby." She hated that their childern didn't understand why Jim was gone, and had ended up crying when she comforted CeCe who was crying for her dad.

He would fly in a couple days every other week, but he never seemed to stay long. A phone call would have him back in a cab, and have her standing on the curb with a frustrated expression and bleary eyes as her hand fell limp at her side as she stiffly walked back into Dunder Mifflin.

She found herself becoming more detached, as she began to talk less and less in hers and Jim's nightly phone calls. She would half listen to the way he would boast into his hectic day at his new work, and would go on and on about all of the sports icons he's already met. He would tell her it was just the beginning, and that he was doing this for them. She started to believe that wasn't true.

Each day that passed was another reason to become angrier, sadder. Jim had missed CeCes dance recital, and missed Phillips first steps into her arms. He told her he was sorry, but she didn't think that was enough. He had wanted her to record all of the milestones he was missing, and when she couldn't get the video to record properly, he got upset with her. "I told you to do one thing for me, Pam, and you couldn't even do that."

Those words that night hurt her, as she fought back the tears forming in her eyes. "It's not my fault. You decided to live in Philly and not be with your family." She had snapped back, but her voice already broke and she was crying into her hand. She had hung up before Jim could say anything, and had gone to bed with mascara streaked cheeks.

The next morning, she woke up to knocking at her door, and had wrapped her arms around herself, swinging open the door. The early morning light of Saturday poured into the door frame, as she gazed at Andy and Erin standing in her door frame.

They offered to take CeCe and Phillip for the night since Saturday's are when Jim flew down, and she had gratefully handed her children over, waving them off as she shut the door. She didn't have the heart to tell them Jim couldn't come down due to a rescheduled meeting, and instead cried again that morning as she felt all of their problems crash down over her.

She didn't know when it was going to end, the crying and the fighting, and was beginning to suspect that this job was never going to end, and that it'd only get harder for the both of them as time ticked on. She had called her mom, explaining to her what was happening with her and Jim.

"Oh sweetie. That must be hard to deal with by yourself, but you have to ask yourself. Is your love for him strong enough to keep you two together?"

That night she sat on the couch in shorts and a tee shirt, sipping on a glass of red, her mind a dull, quiet whisper. She didn't want to think about their problems anymore, didn't want to go to bed crying again. She wasn't going to let him make her feel so bad when all she wanted was for him to be happy. She had forgiven him when he didn't tell her about his acceptance of the job, forgiven him when he had made her cry, forgiven him for missing Phillips first steps and CeCes dance recital.

The door swinging open didn't faze her, as she stared at the edge of the coffee table, the glass pressed to her lips as she took another drink of the room temperature liquid. "Pam?" The familiar voice called out, his footsteps dulling as he stepped into the living room. His presence should have had her running into his outstretched arms, tightly holding his body to hers. But it didn't. It made her feel empty. She watched as he set his bag down, removing his coat.

"You decided to fly down anyways." She said monotone, her eyes never meeting his as she stared at the glass in her fragile hands. "I'm sorry, Pam. I don't know how many times I have to say it for you to believe it."

"Then you may as well stop saying it. It doesn't mean anything once it's said so many times." She didn't mean for the words to slip out, internally cringing at the silence now filling the room. She cursed at herself for feeling her eyes pool with tears, as she sniffed, putting her head down. She set her glass down, quickly exiting the room before Jim could see her cry. She leaned against the counter on her palms, biting her lower lip as her eyes squeezed shut. Her fingers curled around the smooth surface of their marbled countertop, a silent sob rocking her body.

A warm presence behind her made the tears spring to her eyes faster, his hands spinning her around, his arms pulling her into his body. He held her tighter than he ever had, his own silent, labored breaths telling her she wasn't the only one crying. She found her hands clutching at his back, as her face pressed into his shoulder, crying freely. His fingertips pressed into her ribcage, as he held her to him, gently telling her how sorry he was for doing this to them. How sorry he was for making her cry so many times when he was two plane rides away and couldn't do anything for her. How sorry he was for making things so hard for her. How sorry he was for letting himself give less than 100% to them. How sorry he was for hurting her.

She only listened, too afraid to answer him, in fear of sobbing and crying more than she already was. Her moms question played back into her head, and she knew. She knew their love was strong enough to keep them together, they just had to be strong. Not just for them, but for their children too.

She didn't know how long she and Jim clutched each other in their kitchen, until her sobs were mere hiccups. His hand rubbed at her back, his eyes closed as he rests his forehead against hers. "I love you," He tells her, and she knows he means it with every fiber in his body. She nods, biting at her lip. "I know that." She feels his deep inhale against her body, and opens her eyes to find him gazing at her, with bleary eyes. He tells her that he's been stupid, that she has every right to hate him.

But she tells him that she doesn't. She tells him that it's just been hard, something she wasn't prepared for when she told him to take the job in Philadelphia. She tells him she loves him, so much that it scares her. And in that moment, all those lonely, sad nights disappear, when he presses his lips against her own, cupping her cheek as he murmurs things against her lips. That he loves her. That he appreciates her. That she means everything to him, and that he would quit his second job if it meant saving them.

His hands told her all the things he couldn't put into words that night, as she lay pressed to his side in their bed for the first time in weeks. He runs his fingers through her unruly curls, pressing tender kisses to her temple as they quietly talk, both listening to the other like they hadn't before.

The ground they laid on was thin, both afraid that the wrong words will make the crack split open wider. It was hard, both of them trying to be the perfect spouse while trying not to lose their morals and dreams, but in the end Pam knew that their fighting was merely a chapter in the book of their lives. They would turn the pages day after day, until eventually reaching the next chapter.

What it would bring, they didn't know, but one thing was certain.

They would always have each other.


End file.
